Chain Mail

[NOTE: I dont necessarily endorse the content of any of these messages. They DONT serve any political or religious or situational commentary or agenda. This page is merely about here to bring a chuckle or smile to your otherwise boring day! :P]

WARNING PAGE MAY TAKE A WHILE TO LOAD, PLEASE BE PATIENT!

In chronological order, from newest to oldest. Enjoy!

==========

8-10-2004

  • Love Letter

My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house on trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, I differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by defining good binary relations with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.

I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Yours ever loving,

XYZ

==========

8-8-2004

  • Find your Soul-Mate!

Once upon a time, there was a teacher and his student lying down under a big tree near a big grass field. Then, suddenly, the student asked the teacher,

Student: Teacher, I’m confused, how can we find our soul-mate? Can you please help me?

Teacher: (Silent for few seconds, then answered) Well, it’s a pretty hard and easy question at the same time.

Student: (Thinking hard) Huh???

Teacher: Look around, there is a lot of grass here, why don’t you walk around? But please dont walk backwards, just walk straight ahead. On your way, try to find a beautiful grass blade, pick it up and then give it to me. But just one.

Student: Well, ok then… wait for me…(walks around the grass field).

A few minutes later…

Student: I’m back.

Teacher: Erm, well I don’t see any beautiful grass in your hands.

Student: Well on my journey I found a lotta beautiful grass blades. But I thought that if I walked around some more I would find even better ones, so I didn’t pick any up. But then I realized I was at the end of the field, and hadn’t picked any up. And since you told me not to walk backwards, so I didn’t go back to pick up the previous ones I saw.

Teacher: That’s what happens in real life.

What is the message of this story?
* Grass – people around you.
* Beautiful Grass – people that you are attracted to
* Grass Field – your lifetime.
* In looking for your soulmate, please don’t compare and hope that you will find someone better down the road. By doing that you’ll waste your whole lifetime, cause remember “Time Never Goes Back”.

This applies the same in everything – finding your ideal life partner, your suitable career or business. A lot of choices, therefore the moral is LOVE & grab hold of the opportunity that you have now, don’t waste time or delay.

==========

7-29-04

  • Some Jokes

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Jayalalitha are travelling in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap. The train comes out of the tunnel. Jayalalitha and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Jayalalitha is thinking:- These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Madhuri is thinking:- Musharaf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Jayalalitha instead and got slapped.

Musharraf is thinking:- Damn it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped me instead.
Vajpayee is thinking:- If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again.

—–
The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: “I’m sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.”

—–

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept.

Musharraf: “Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings… I would like to assure you that we had nothing in connection with that……..

Bush: “What buildings? What people??”

Musharraf: “Oh, and what time is it in America right now?”

Bush: “It’s eight in the morning.”

Musharraf: “Oops…Never mind, we will call back in an hour!”

—–

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bartender: “Isn’t that Bush and Vajpayee?”

The bartender says: “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says: “Hello, what are you guys doing here?”

Bush says: “We’re planning World War 3”

The guy says: “Really? What’s going to happen?”

So Vajpayee says: “Well, we’re going to kill 5 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.”

And the guy exclaimed, “Why a bicycle repairman?!!”

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, “See, I told you no one would care about the 5 million Pakistanis!”

—–

Pakistanis on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem…

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem…

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem…

Q:What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ….. Problem Solved!!!

==========

7-23-2004

  • Perfection is Misconception

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck.. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.” The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house”

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You’ve just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. Blessings to all my crackpot friends. 🙂

==========

7-22-2004

  • New Hum Tum Comic Strips

ShowLetter1.gif

ShowLetter2.gif

ShowLetter3.gif

ShowLetter4.gif

ShowLetter5.gif

==========

7-16-2004

  • Do you believe in God?? Read this if you dont!

A man went to a barbershop to get his hair cut and beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: “I don’t believe that God exists.”

“Why do you say that?” asked the customer.

“Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn’t exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither pain nor suffering. I can’t imagine a loving a God who would allow all of these things to happen.”

The customer thought for a moment, but didn’t respond because he didn’t want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barbershop again and he said to the barber: “You know what? Barbers do not exist.”

“How can you say that?” asked the surprised barber. “I am here, I am a barber. And I just worked on you!”

“No!” the customer exclaimed. “Barbers don’t exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty, long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.”

“Ah, but barbers DO exist!” answered the barber. “What happens, is, people do not come to see me.”

“Exactly!” – affirmed the customer. “That’s the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don’t go to Him and do not seek Him. That’s why there’s so much pain and suffering in the world.”

If you think God exists, forward this on to other people–If you think God does not exist, just delete it! This message was sent to the community @ ‘IIT Kanpur’.

==========

7-14-2004

  • Why did Newton commit suicide?

Recently NEWTON – the father of modern Physics visited earth to watch a movie and to check up on his “discoveries”. He watched a few Tamil movies and his head was spinning topsy-turvy. He was convinced that all of his logic and laws for physics were just a huge pile of junk. He apologized for all the work he had done over his life. For example, in a Rajnikanth movie, Newton was so confused that he became paranoid.

Here are a few scenes Newton had the displeasure of viewing:

1) Rajanikanth has a brain tumor which, according to the doctors can’t be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the climax fights, our great hero Rajnikanth is shot in the head. To everybody’s surprise the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is miraculously cured. Long Live Rajnikanth.

2) In another movie, Rajnikanth is confronted by three gangsters. Rajnikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet to spare. Guess what he does??….. He pulls out a knife & throws it at the middle gangster. He also shoots the gun towards the knife simultaneously. The knife cuts the speeding bullet into 2 pieces & kills both gangsters on each side while the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajnikanth is being chased by a gangster. He has a revolver but no ammo. Guess what he does?? Nah not even what you can come up with in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajnikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet in it. Then he closes the compartment and fires back his gun. Bang… and the gangster dies…!!1!

This was too much for Newton to digest and he was completely shaken by it. He decided to go back. But he happened to see one last movie before he left, thinking that at least one movie will follow his laws & theory of physics.

Anyways, the whole movie is going well and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn’t changed. Oops, not so fast. The climax finally arrives. This time Rajnikanth finds the villain on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can’t jump it even if he tries one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajnikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it’s the climax afterall. Newton is smiling wide-mouthed since he knows it is virtually impossible. But Rajnikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his holder (probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun reaches the top of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in mid-air with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and kills the villain on the other side of the wall.

Newton, unable to bear this concept, immediately committed suicide!! 😀
==========

6-12-2004

  • Please go through the aforementioned facts below. They will surely make you proud to be an INDIAN.

1) Who is the co-founder of Sun Microsystems?
Vinod Khosla.

2) Who is the creator of Pentium chip (90% of the today’s computers run on it)?
Vinod Dham.

3) Who is the third richest man on the world?
According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, He is Premji who is the CEO of Wipro Industries. The Sultan of Brunei is at 6th position now.

4) Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (World’s No. 1 web based E-Mail program)?
Sabeer Bhatia who later sold it to Microsoft.

5) Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT & T-Bell Labs is the creator of program languages such as C, C++, UNIX to name a few)?
Arun Netravalli.

6) Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?
Rajiv Gupta.

7) Who is the new MTD (Microsoft Testing Director) of Windows 2000, responsible to iron out all initial problems?
Sanjay Tejwrika.

8) Who are the Chief Executives of Citibank, Mckensey & Standard Charted?
Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta and Rana Talwar respectively.

—–

We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than the whites (natives):

There are 3.22 Millions of INDIANs in USA (1.5 % of the total population).
* YET, 38% of doctors in USA are INDIANs.
* 12% scientists in USA are INDIANs.
* 36% of NASA scientists are INDIANs.
* 34% of Microsoft employees are INDIANs.
* 28% of IBM employees are INDIANs.
* 17% of INTEL scientists are INDIANs.
* 13% of XEROX employees are INDIANs.

—–

Quotes about India:

  • “We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have ever been made.” –Albert Einstein
  • “India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the great grand mother of tradition.” –Mark Twain
  • “If there is one place on the face of the earth where all dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is infact INDIA.” –French scholar Romain Rolland

—–

These facts were recently published in a German Magazine, which deals with WORLD HISTORY & FACTS ABOUT INDIA:

  • India has never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.
  • India invented the Number system. Aryabhatta invented zero.
  • The world’s first University was established in Takshila in 700 BC. Over 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects here.
  • The University of Nalanda built in the 4th Century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
  • According to Forbes magazine, Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software.
  • Ayurveda from India is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.
  • Although western media may portray modern images of India as poverty stricken and under developed through political corruption, India was infact once the richest empire on earth (even up until the 19th Century AD).
  • The art of navigation was born in the river Sindh 5000 years ago. The very word “Navigation” is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.
  • Budhayana first calculated the value of pi, and he explained the concept of what is now known as the Pythagorean Theorem. British scholars, as of 1999, have officially published that Budhayan’s works dates to the 6th Century AD, which is long before the European mathematicians.
  • Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus came from India. Quadratic Equations were devised by Sridharacharya in the 11th Century AD.
  • The largest numbers used by the Greeks and the Romans were upto 106. Whereas Indians used numbers as big as 1053 at the same timeframe.
  • According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of quality diamonds in the world.
  • US based IEEE organization has proved what has been a century-old suspicion amongst academians that the pioneer of wireless communication was Professor Jagdish Bose and not Marconi.
  • The earliest reservoir and dam used for irrigation was built in Saurashtra (modern day Indian State of Gujarat).
  • Contrary to popular belieft, chess was actually invented in India instead of China.
  • Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted surgeries like caesareans (c-section births), cataract removal, fractures and urinary stones.
  • Usage of anesthesia was well known and partly common in ancient India.
  • When many cultures in the world were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians had already established the Mohenjo-Daro & Harappan (cities) culture in Sindh Valley (aka Indus Valley Civilization).
  • The place value system and the decimal system was developed in India around 100 BC.
  • “India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border.” –Hu Shih (former Chinese Ambassador to USA). ~~ If we don’t even see a glimpse of that great India in the India of today, it clearly means that we are not working up to our potential. And that if we do, we could once again be an ever shining example, an inspiration setting country to a bright path for rest of the world to follow.

—–

I hope you enjoyed it and are working towards the welfare of INDIA.

Say proudly with me, I AM AN INDIAN…!!

Please forward this E-Mail to all INDIANS. And others also, let them respect Indians for their achievements as well.

==========

10-21-2003

  • Computer Story Of RAMAYANA

THE GREAT STORY OF “RAMAYANA”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs – RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana.

RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs.

Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess ‘C’ta. 12 years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTAL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE (Kayekayee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat for a life saving HELP COMMAND ,took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be BOOTED to the forest for 14 years.

At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed thru DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less!

RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and ‘C’ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man was also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARC-nakha, the tranSISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka.

Attracted by RAM’s stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM, politely declined. Perceiving ‘C’ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. But LSI-man cut off her nose. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by tranSISTOR’s plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha.

MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally tired of the chase, RAM shot the deer, who, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM’s voice.

Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND,’C’ta urged LSI-man to his brother’s aid. Catching the opportunity, RAW-van DELINKED ‘C’ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.

—–

I N T E R V A L

—–

RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing ‘C’ta all over the forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful ‘SEARCH’ techniques to FIND the missing ‘C’ta. His PROGRAMMERS SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to ‘EXCITE’ the birds and animals not to forget the ‘WEB CRAWLERS’ (insects) and tried to ‘INFO SEEK’ something about ‘C’ta. Some of them even shouted ‘YAA-HOO’ but they all ended up with ‘NOT FOUND’ MESSAGES.

Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED! Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCHes, Ha-NEUMAN found ‘C’ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE. Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to ‘C’ta.

After DECRYPTING THE KEY, ‘C’ta believed him and asked him to send a STATUS_OK MESSAGE to RAM.

Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around ‘C’ta captured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS ‘Fire’.

Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take the all powerful RAM head-on and prepared for battle. One of the RAW-wan’s SUN (son) almost DELETED RAM & LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X ingredients and REBOOTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and once and for all wiped out RAW-wan’s presence on earth.

After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spread his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all ENDUSERS and every one lived happily ever after.

==========

10-7-2003

  • African Shade

Imagine that you are a South African bush pilot. You fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital. It’s a stifling 100 degrees and you’re eager to get back up to the cool, high blue yonder. On the way back to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade, within a mile, has become very popular …
You start calculating the distance to the plane door … and wonder, “Do I feel lucky today?”

image001.jpg

==========

9-12-2003

  • The Info Seekers – “Smart” Jokes

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A: Concrete floors are very hard to crack (you should know that)! 😛

Q. If it took eight men, ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A: No time at all as it’s already been built (think ahead). haha

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A: Very large hands. (good one na?) lol

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A: It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. 🙂

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A: Coz he sleeps at night. 😉

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
A: Wet. (sorry about this)

Q. What looks like half an apple?
A: The other half.

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.

Q. What gets wet while drying?
A: A towel.

Q. What happened when the wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution. 😀

Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
A: Because it has its own scales. lol

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid state of course!

Q. What is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me. (This is an old one)

Q. Now what is the inverse of Nagpanchmi? Come on..
A: I punched Nag. (This is a new one, ain’t it?) haha

Q. Chintu’s mom has three sons. What is the name of the other two?
A: Chin-1 & Chin-3 (maaf karna, this was the worst one!)

==========

8-26-2003

  • New “Heights” and the Recipe to Make Love!

# Height of Confusion – Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.

# Height of Revenge – A bastard roaming in a condom factory with a needle in his hand

# Height of Pain – A monkey sliding down a knife’s edge using balls as his brakes.

# Height of Honesty – A pregnant woman asking the bus conductor for one & a half ticket.

# Height of Foolishness – A guy peeping thru’ the keyhole of a glass door.

# Height of Noise – Two skeletons fucking on a tin roof.

# Height of Itch – A fat man hanging (upside down) from a roof trying to scratch his balls.

# Height of Innocence – A teenager girl applying Clearsil to her nipples thinking of them as pimples.

# Height of Unemployment – Cobwebs in a prostitute’s cunt.

# Height of Laziness –
1. A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.
2. Adoption.

# Height of Competition –
1. A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
2. A topless lady standing near mount everest.

# Height of Bravery – A naked man bending over to pick up a quarter on an island of gays.

# Height of Sophistication – Sucking nipples with a straw.

# Height of Disgustion – While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.

# Height of Technology – Condom with zip.

# Height of Penetration – A baby girl born pregnant.

# Height of Darkness – A negro searching for his penis in a dark room.

# Height of Fashion – A female applying LipStick to her vertical lips (downtown).

# Height of Patience – A female lying naked under a banana tree and hoping for a banana to fall in the right place.

# Height of Coincidence – And the banana falling in.

—–

RECIPE: How to Make Love?

INGREDIENTS:-

2 laughing eyes
2 loving arms
2 well shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur lined mixing bowl
2 large nuts
1 large banana

METHOD:-

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Fold into loving arms.
3. Spread well shaped legs.
4. Squeeze and massage milk containers gently, until fur lined bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add banana – work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with nuts and sigh with relief.

Cake is done when the banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and do not lick the bowl. (You can just taste it before putting in the banana.)

IF CAKE BEGINS TO RISE, LEAVE TOWN IMMEDIATELY!!

==========

7-7-2003
So this goes all the way back to the summer after HS Graduation. Forwarded article from a Soc. teacher.

  • Article that is circulating on the Internet about a speech by the Oracle CEO. Thought you would get a kick out of this speech that Larry Ellison (Oracle CEO) gave at Yale University to the graduating class of 2000:

“Graduates of Yale University, I apologize if you have endured this type of prologue before, but I want you to do something for me. Please, take a good look around you. Look at the classmate on your left. Look at the classmate on your right. Now, consider this: five years from now, 10 years from now, even 30 thirty years from now, odds are the person on your left is going to be a loser. The person on your right, meanwhile, will also be a loser.

And you, in the middle? What can you expect? Loser. Loserhood. Loser Cum Laude. In fact, as I look out before me today, I don’t see a thousand hopes for a bright tomorrow. I don’t see a thousand future leaders in a thousand industries. I see a thousand losers. You’re upset. That’s understandable. After all, how can I, Lawrence ‘Larry’ Ellison, college dropout, have the audacity to spout such heresy to the graduating class of one of the nation’s most prestigious institutions?

I’ll tell you why. Because I, Lawrence ‘Larry’ Ellison, second richest man on the planet, am a college dropout, and you are not. Because Bill Gates, richest man on the planet-for now anyway-is a college dropout, and you are not. Because Paul Allen, the third richest man on the planet, dropped out of college, and you did not. And for good measure, because Michael Dell, No. 9 on the list and moving up fast, is a college dropout, and you, yet again, are not. Hmm … you’re very upset. That’s understandable.

So let me stroke your egos for a moment by pointing out, quite sincerely, that your diplomas were not attained in vain. Most of you, I imagine, have spent four to five years here, and in many ways what you’ve learned and endured will serve you well in the years ahead. You’ve established good work habits. You’ve established a network of people that will help you down the road. And you’ve established what will be lifelong relationships with the word ‘therapy’.

All of that is good. For in truth, you will need that network. You will need those strong work habits. You will need that therapy. You will need them because you didn’t drop out, and so, you will never be among the richest people in the world. Oh sure, you may, perhaps, work your way up to #10 or #11, like Steve Ballmer. But then, I don’t have to tell you who he really works for, do I? And for the record, he dropped out of grad school. Bit of a late bloomer.

Finally, I realize that many of you, and hopefully by now most of you, are wondering, “Is there anything I can do? Is there any hope for me at all?” Actually, no. It’s too late. You’ve absorbed too much, think you know too much. You’re not 19 anymore. You have a built-in cap, and I’m not referring to the mortarboards on your heads. Hmm … you’re really very upset. That’s understandable.

So perhaps this would be a good time to bring up the silver lining. Not for you, Class of ’00. You are a write-off, so I’ll let you slink off to your pathetic $200,000-a-year jobs, where your checks will be signed by former classmates who dropped out two years ago. Instead, I want to give hope to any underclassmen here today. I say to you, and I can’t stress this enough: leave. Pack your things and your ideas and don’t come back. Drop out.

Start up. For I can tell you that a cap and gown will keep you down just as surely as these security guards dragging me off this stage are keeping me dow…”

Advertisements

Responses

  1. good post – filled my coffee break

  2. Hi I think this is a fantastic blog, keep up the good work…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: