Posted by: mostwanted | Friday, March 10, 2006

Alternative Teachings of Zen

* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just fcuk off and leave me alone.

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

* The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s milk, that’s the time to do it.

* Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

* Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

* No one is listening until you fart.

* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

* If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

* Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

* If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in your boat and drink your beer all day.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

* Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

* Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

* Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

* A closed mouth gathers no foot (or food).

* Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. So may the force be with you.

* There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

* Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

* Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

* Lastly, give a man a match and he’ll be warm for a minute. But set him on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. 😛


Quick Joke :-

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. “You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it’s about time we started cursing.” The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with ‘hell’ and you say something with ‘ass’. The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.” WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can just stay there until I let you out!”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?” “I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios.”




  1. […] Teachings of Zen Part Deux Some of you might remember Part One collection of these quirky, funny, random and logical thoughts that I had posted on my blog a […]

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